Secrets

Her name is "Secrets". I think she is beautiful. Some people have shown a distaste of her. They have said things like, "Her eyes are creepy. What's that thing? Kind of demented isn't it? Are you going Goth?"
That makes me sad. I was becoming attached to her.  She was something I can connect to my resorces with.
Let me tell you what "resorces" are. It is something used in EMDR. You might think of it as a grounding tool. These are the parts of you who are nurturing, protective, and core self. These parts can comfort you in times of distress, add courage when you need it, and hold no condemnation for any thing that you have done wrong. It is love.. Unconditional. It is acceptance. It is comfort. It protects.
In DNMS and EMDR, we establish resorces. Then we connect to them as we process through trauma. There is something profound that happens. I get to use my inward most effective parts of me to help heal the tender most parts of me.
This has only happened with a couple of negative concepts I have held but, it has worked with those.
I am supposed to be finding something tangible that I can link to resorces with. I fell in love with this doll but, other people have found her repelling and creepy. Maybe I shouldn't care what they think. As long as it's helping me, right?
Well.. For me.. It isn't that easy. I find other people's thought and ideas about something "negative" and it somehow turns into a monster in my mind. People's words are saying things like, "You are completely crazy. How on earth can something like that be comforting. Creepy does not equal comfort. If you like that.. Then I can't like you."
These are just a few ideas that come to my head. I realize that people aren't actually saying those things. They are some deep dark places that I have formed because of negative beliefs I have about myself.
It hurts though.. And I am not sure about "Secrets" any more. :(