Going through a very difficult a challenging time right now. I am choosing to write here instead of Facebook. There are very few if any that read this anyways.
I feel like I am a huge burden to everyone and that I can do nothing right. I feel like my grown children don't want to have any thing to do with me.
It's my stuff.. and about my personal self esteem.
I'm encompassed with depression. I'm growing more and more withdrawn. I don't want to be around people in fear that I might do something or say something wrong or bad.
If you're reading this then know that I am having suicidal ideation. I just don't want to hurt anyone any longer and it feels like that is all I get accomplished.
I lost my friend to suicide.. and I just want to join her freedom from all the madness going on in my head. I long to be free of this torment.
I am experiencing switching but it isn't often shown. People don't see it. Well they might but may think I am being silly or something.
The people who know or it's obvious to when I switch are special needs folks... Especially children. It might be because their innocence breaks down walls most have to experience the world differently. I don't know. It just is.
I am slowly and silently just disappearing.. I doubt if anyone will notice. They probably will think it's about playing the victim. I want you to know it's not. I am drowning in depression right now and not being able to get out of it.
It's my stuff.., my story... and I just want to end this book. 😢💔
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