Suicide

I am about to write something very personal. It concerns suicide. If you do not want to read this then please stop now.

I am a survivor of many things. One happens to be serious suicidal attempts. I still exist on this earth. I should have died. I didn't. This is the reason for my post.

I had someone tell me that I could loose my job if people knew the truth about me. The truth that I struggle with a mental illness. The truth that I have almost killed myself.

The truth is: Many people have had moments in their lives that lead them to think about suicide. I am not alone in any of that. It's time to stand up and talk about it without shame... Without blame.. Without ridicule from others. I am not a horrible monster.

I only live in pain.. Emotional pain. Many people can not fathom the reasons why people think about suicide. I know the reasons I have. They don't make sense to others.. But I understand them.

I have had people get angry with me.. Stating how I have my family and what would I do to them if I had completed suicide.  In my mind, I see the relief it would bring. I dont linger on the pain it would bring. I think about how they would no longer have to deal with my "crap" and how much better off the world would be without me in it. I am usually angry with myself and desperate to get rid of the emotional dispare I feel inside. It feels debilitating and inescapable when I am in it.

I don't feel that way at the moment. Those moments still come over me but it's better... A LOT better.

If you feel suicidal... Know you aren't alone. There is help.. There is hope. Keep reaching out.. It's worth it.. Life is worth it.

No longer ashamed.. No longer in a prison.. I speak out. Too many people are out there not talking because of fear.. Because of shame. I am no longer one of those. I am conquering this invisible
Vise. I am Winning the fight.., you can too.