Loss

Am I supposed to be ok? Am I supposed to NOT feel sad? Am I supposed to just go on with my day as if nothing happened?
I can't. I just can't. I feel emotions on such an intensity.. Sometimes I feel it's a curse.
Even if it's just the knowledge that I won't see you again. That it's a normal part of life.. Such as a move, retirement, a so called" expected" experience feels like someone just died.
Death.. Even the kind that is welcomed because the person is suffering emensly..I feel everything. Everything. It comes on me like some ominous shadow.. And the sadness encompasses my being. I get swallowed up by this.. And I can't shake it. No matter what I do to make it go away. It won't.
I don't know if loss is better to know that it's coming or not. Right now.. All I feel is eminence pain... And I get asked if "that's ok"? No. It's not. None of it is ok. How can you ask me to be ok with this? I can't. I am sorry I can't.
I got news today that a loss will occur.. And this is where it sends me. It hurts soooooo much. This is what I don't like about this..I wish I didn't have to feel the loss so deeply. I wish I could just.. "Use my skills" and be ok.
I'm not. I can't be...
Please don't ask me to be ok.... I am not.