Diagnosis

One of the diagnosis I have in the mental health world is Borderline Personality Disorder. I get that thrown at me a lot. I don't like my emotioanal roller coaster ride at all. I see how it effects my relationships with others. I see how it has adversely effected "friendships". I see how some people have 'left' because of the things I have done, defeated me from their Facebook as a friend, quit talking to me, ect. All of this because my "behaviour" is intolerable.
I have read article app on article about "how to leave a borderline, don't stay in a relationship with a person who has borderline personality disorder, and NUMEROUS articles published by therapists who REFUSE to treat Borderlines because of its nature.
My therapist asks me today when I was going to embrace the borderline part of me. The answer is never. I hate it. I hate everything about it. I end up in some BPD related mode, I know that is what it is, and I see the devastation it leaves behind.
I self injure, I quit things at the drop of the hat, and then I regret doing the things I have done. I have lost many potential friends because of this. I have even seen people whom I have known a long time distance themselves from me because they can not tolerate my behaviour. It hurts... And I hate it. I hate everything about it.
It's ok for me to talk about depression. Depression is well known and an understandable condition. When I start talking about things that a Borderline would.. I get shunned. People stop talking to me... And my therapist wants me to embrace this as I do the diabetes I have, the Trauma I have... Umm.. No. I can't. I won't.
Borderline Personality disorder has and still is destroying my life. It destroys relationships. It effects me adversely in so many ways. It has brought people to tell me that I had better not say anything about it because I could loose my job.. The very thing that I love.. And for what? Because of a diagnosis I have.
No. I won't embrace borderline personality disorder. I hate it. I hate what it does to me and others I deal with...