Dirty Laundry

Please don read this if you have any judgements:


Trigger for the loss of my children:



Some people don't know about this...my name is Jenifer. I am 16 years old. I have been pregnant more than anyone knows.
I once pregnant out of a desperation.  You might say that I was a slut because of the way I became pregnant. I wanted so badly to go to the prom. Boys just don't like me. So, I wasn't sure what to do.
I got with a boy I had only met once. The meeting of the boy was due to a friend (Tina) who hooked us up. We had sex. He never went to the prom with me after that one encounter. I wasn't too surprised but was disappointed.
I ended up finding out I was pregnant.  Wasn't very far along and was being urged, persuaded, "programmed".. call it what you want. The fact is that ended up despising this baby.
A short time passed and for what ever reason, the pregnancy came to an end. The "fetus" spontaneously aborted. It was a miscarriage.
When the baby had been passed, I was 'forced' to look at it. The blood, the body.. all of it was placed in my hand. I was repeatedly told how I had been at fault for this.
I had no attachment to this tiny little "being" but it makes me sad.
Sad because Cheryl (the DBT therapist) asked how the daughters "got away" from the cult. No one knows about the lost children. Or they forget about them. That there were "sacrifices" made.
More than one "lost" whether you believe it was by choice, by the diabetes, by the abortion, by someone manipulating my decisions, or the child taken and the child is gone... you all don't know. I do. I have experienced them all. All of them.
I have heard too many people judge or ask what is real. Those pregnancies were definitely real. The bodies of the ones that have passed.. definitely real. I am sure there is documentation somewhere about how many pregnancies there were.
So.. the answer yo the question.. many losses.. "sacrifices" were made in order for the children that are alive and well have been made.
Those memories I keep. I hold. I see their tiny helpless bodies. I see my guilt when I chose abortion. I saw that child too. I held "him" after the dirty deed was done. I have held every last child that was lost.. I don't care how you think the loss happened.
Call me guilty...I know how many times I was told what would happen to that child if it came to term. Did I really have a choice?
So.. when you ask how it was accomplished.. I know how many sacrifices were made for it to be..........😢

Jenifer