So.. this one person we met while the hospital caught our attention. She was a quiet reserved soul. She remained secluded by her own choosing. She would say that she felt that people on the unit didn't want her to be a part of the groups. She observed us being moved into the room next to the nurses station. The reason the staff at the hospital gave was because of the insulin pump i needed to be nearby. (Not sure).
She was moved out of that room and it did all seem a bit odd at the time. I just went on with the decision. She was angry. VERY Angry. She said that she knew why she was moved.
Later this roommate of hers was talking with me. She told us about how this person was. She explained that I should hear some of the stories this person told. This person talked about Satan, babies being killed, and other activities. This roommate had determined that all of that was a fallacy. "ITs pretty evident that she is delusional. That kind of thing doesn't happen. It really scared me. She scares me."
At that point, we never spoke of anything that I had been through went through. Only observed what she was doing.
It made us sad because people would whisper. And talk about her being "clearly borderline". It was very sad.
I tried to include her in one of the groups but she lashed out at us. (Or an angry insider.) She told us several things which including that I was busy trying to help everyone else out instead of working on myself. I only responded that she was right and that I did tend to take care of every one before our own needs. Definitely saw the pushing away part at that point.
Cried today at therapy when I spoke of this person. I wonder wonder how many people I have pushed away for trying to include me? How many people felt so uncomfortable being around us because of some of the stories I have shared. Wonder if we say too much instead of listening instead? Wonder how many lost souls have their own perspective of their story and get ignored while others pull away from them because of the story they tell?
i felt so sad for this lost soul at the hospital. Not sure she made any progress while there. Also sad because she showed me just how cruel some of this world is. That many people just don't believe the horrific stories that I have told. Going to be super careful from now on of who I tell what to..
makes me happy for the people who have stood with me no matter what I've said or haven't said.
I hope this person will someday do the hard work it takes to improve...
sending warm and positive thoughts her way this evening as I type.
I heard her and recognize some aspects in her I want to change. We hope that I will gather lights to surround me, not push them away or pull myself away to be in a dark and lonely place again.
It was so so sad.
Thinking of you tonight you sad soul.. and warm thoughts toward myself as I move forward...
