Hating within

 I actually don’t care for a lot of my insiders. I don’t like what they do. I despise their feelings at times because they aren’t accurate to what I personally feel . I don’t “ accept them for who they are.

It’s odd. I have learned to be accepting towards others outside but am harsh towards my insiders within.

I have haters of all sorts. They hate people. They hate things. They hate attitudes. They just hate. I don’t like that and end up pushing them out of my awareness. Out.

That actually ends up shutting me out. I get shut out or shut up in my room. A lot of things does this but me shutting others in my system is one thing I have noticed that I do that precipitates my own getting shut up in my room.

I recently found insiders I really don’t like. I’m trying to understand them. I don’t like their feeling. I don’t like them. I would rather they just don’t exist. But they ate there. I understand their presence is for a reason. That doesn’t change my feelings about them at the present time.

In fact, I know they keep me from people and I from them. They have ruined relationships. I have lots of insiders who have done this. I don’t care for that at all.

I’m not sure how to get around that or through it. I know it’s there.

Does anyone out there also expiernce “self hate” or internal hatred?

How about an honest conversation about this and ideas on how to stop this?

Any participants?